So my MIL is seriously in need of some lessons on how to be socially normal. Sure, she's from Japan, but she's been here for 50 years, you'd think she'd know how to do normal things by now.
A week or so ago she called to tell us that she wanted to come help with the baby for about a week. She wanted to come around when my mom comes so that they might overlap their visit by a day or two so that they can see each other. My mom was agreeable to that. She just wanted to make sure that I get as much help as I need.
The original plan was that MIL would come up from Sunday to Friday or Saturday. So my mom booked her flight here getting in on Friday the 27th in the morning & leaving on Tuesday the 3rd of March in the evening. She sent her itinerary to both me & my MIL.
Two days later my MIL emails us to say that she went to AAA & booked a flight (she doesn't really know how to use the internet for anything other than email) & she found a cheaper flight by leaving on Tuesday instead of Sunday. So she booked from Tuesday to Tuesday, leaving me absolutely not a single moment alone with my mom. Plus, since her horrible husband isn't coming, she wants to stay with us. We have a small 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. We were already going to put my mom in with Ava. Where are we going to put my MIL?! She said she's fine on the sofa.
My mom isn't too thrilled about it either because she wants her own "grandma" time since she only sees us 2-3 times a year, tops. She didn't mind sharing for 1 day, but the entire time she's here?! It's also just so uncomfortable & ackward whenever MIL is around. Plus, I really have no sympathy for her. When she was here in July for my BIL's wedding, she chose not to come by the house to say goodbye on her last day here because "Chuck (her horrible husband) doesn't like kids."
If you're on my facebook, you already know a lot of this. I've been getting lots of responses on this topic on there! Everyone seems to think I need to tell her to rebook her flight for a different time. My husband, however, just doesn't get what the issue is. I think he should be the one to call her & say, that just doesn't work for us. We don't have room for both of you & quite frankly, Liz wants time with her mom without anyone else around. I don't think I should have to be the one to do that. But I know he won't do it.
I just don't know what to do because I'm depressed now at the thought of all of this. How am I going to feel right after the baby is born & I have the baby blues? It's going to feel even worse. Maybe I should just be straight forward & tell her how I feel. Am I overreacting? I just don't think a normal person would even consider infringing on a mother's visit with her daughter like that!
Thursday, February 05, 2009
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5 comments:
I know it sounds absolutely awful, but it may not be as bad as you think. It very well might be a bit of a character test, or a strain on your patience, but I encourage you to not get discouraged before it happens. Of course you’re disappointed and rightfully so, but I think if you anticipate how bad it will be, you’ll be quick to get even more irritated when you’re in the midst of it. I’m not sure if you would feel comfortable leaving your newborn with your MIL or taking your newborn in public, but maybe you could have an opportunity to get out of the house with just your mom and Ava. You shouldn’t feel bad telling your MIL that you’d like some time alone with your mom. Maybe your MIL will be happy to share the baby with your mom, and you have two daughters, so while one plays with one, the other can be with the other. Maybe. I just want to encourage you. It’s certainly less than ideal, but I think attitude can really help any situation, no matter how trying or annoying. I hope it’s not as bad as you fear.
Wellllll we have already established she is not "normal."
And wasn't the original point of her coming on a diff time from your mom so you'd have extended periods of help??
Be thankful she is not bringing Chuck, but I must say, it is a reflection of her character that she wouldn't come to say goodbye in the name of pacifying her horrible hubby.
I do not think you are out of line at all. I also think Edward should bite the bullet on this one. However, if he refuses, I think honesty is the best answer. No sense in making something up to spare her feelings. I mean, obviously don't be rude about it but I doubt you would be anyway. Just be honest and to the point. Don't offer any explanation or give her the opportunity to begin a dialogue about it. Just call her up and lay out the facts.
P.S. My word cerification for this post was "trapped." How ironic!
Personally, I would straight-up ask if she can come at a different time. It's already a difficult time in a normal circumstance. I have no qualms about letting people know that I would prefer something else. You can do it politely. But I know how frustrated you must feel. *hugs*
Considering what you have had to put up with regarding your fil living with you and now this, Edward should step up and be a man about this! The postpartum time, while special, is also fraught with emotions. You deserve time with your mom. Mil will ruin that. You have done so much compromising and sacrificing for Edward's family. Does he not see this? Why is he so clueless, and why can't he stand up to his family?
I would have her change her flight. I'm sorry you have to go through all this. *hugs* It's hard enough having one guest with a new baby, too many = disaster!
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